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FAQ

How can I develop self-confidence and self-esteem?
I had an idea. Tell me if you like it.I loved the idea of living in hotels. What sort of person could live in a hotel? Did you have to be rich? Sometimes.At the time, I lived in The Chelsea Hotel in NYC. If you ever saw the movie, u201cSid Killed Nancyu201d, you know the hotel. If you saw the movie, u201cI Shot Andy Warholu201d, you know the hotel.It was the tallest building in NYC when it was built. It was ornate, it was disgusting, it had bad art all over the place because artists would pay their rent with paintings.My next door neighbor was a drug dealer and middle-aged women would sometimes form a line out the door and crowd around my door.My other neighbor was a professional submissive and she and her girlfriend, a dominatrix, would tell me stories of what their clients did that day. No matter who told the story, one or more of these things were always central to the story: blood, food, humiliation, jealousy and alwaysu2026.cleaning.Chubb Rock, the rapper, lived on my floor. Ethan Hawke lived upstairs. Half the hotel was filled with people who lived there and half the hotel was filled with European tourists.The best thing about living there was it was the only building I ever lived in where I would vacation with other people who lived there. I loved the people there.After I got married, I didnu2019t want to move out until I was married for four months. Finally my wifeu2019s father said, u201cYou have to move in with my daughteru201d. My wife.Many years later, after that marriage was over, I moved back into the Chelsea. The same people worked there. Timor, whose twin brother worked in a circus. Robert, who looked at me after I showed up for the first time in eight years and said, u201cUh oh. You again.u201d[Related: Live Like You Just Escaped]I had no wife, no job, no prospects.Iu2019d wake up around 10am and see the sunlight coming in. Iu2019d go downstairs and there was a hot dog place down the street and Iu2019d have a u201cgourmetu201d hot dog.One time, my daughters came by.I was new to divorce and didnu2019t know what to do with daughters. I didnu2019t want them to be bored by me and resent having to visit me.I made sure every second was booked up. Bowling, ice-skating, ping pong, pool, a magic show, a bookstore, eat out three meals, go to a movie. Watch movies at home. We watched the Wizard of Oz one time.After they left I was always sick. It was too much energy to keep them occupied all the time. Finally they even told me: we donu2019t have to do something every second. We get tired.Phew!One time a girl visited me. She thought it was going to be very fancy. She lives in a hotel! We had gone on a few dates. She wanted to watch a movie in my place.She came over, watched the movie, and then left.Later she told me she spoke to her therapist about me. She, also, was a therapist.She said to me, my therapist said to me: he doesnu2019t have roots if heu2019s living a hotel. He has to move into his own place.She said: Iu2019m not coming over anymore.I tried to explain to her: but this is my roots! This was my real home. Iu2019m a natural transient.BUT: the place was disgusting.One time, my 7 year old and I were walking down the stairs. There was a used condom on the third floor stairs. Was someone having sex on the stairs?I had to get my daughter to walk around it and I didnu2019t explain what it was. Shocking!So I moved. The girl I was dating said, u201cIf you buy any furniture from Ikea, Iu2019m breaking up with you.u201dI didnu2019t buy any furniture at all. I had a single mattress for a two bedroom place. I had a kitchen table but no chairs. My kids would bring sleeping bags.I started dating another girl. She eventually broke up with me because her ex-husband, who was 20 years older than her, was wealthy. u201cYou will never be as wealthy as him,u201d she told me and she would cry to sleep.I didnu2019t have any confidence then.This was my great skill: Iu2019d figure out someone elseu2019s agenda for me and then I would play that role. Iu2019d play that agenda. I had a hard time being myself. I didnu2019t even know what that meant. What does u201cbeing yourselfu201d mean?People say that but I donu2019t think I had ever been myself. And in my attempts to play the roles others cast for me I was so offbeat that people thought I was unique when, in fact, I was just lost and confused.I had a certain tone deafness to the needs of others simply because I was so desperate to satisfy those needs. Iu2019d give them the keys to my kingdom but Iu2019d forget to furnish the kingdom.I was sure nobody would like me unless: I had money. I had looks. I had accomplishments under my belt. I had a u201ccommau201d. Whatu2019s a u201ccommau201d?Itu2019s like: u201cJames Altucher, writeru201d. Or u201cJames Altucher, billionaireu201d. Or u201cJames Altucher, international spyu201d.I am maybe a 6 now on a scale of 0u201310 of self-confidence and self-esteem. I was probably about a 1 then.What made the difference?Before self-esteem and self-awareness comes u201cself-lessu201d.Meaning - I had to stop thinking so much about my u201cselfu201d.I am a spark of soul, floating around in a bag of skin held together by bones and blood.And so are you and the rest of us. Weu2019re in it together. Trying to survive the demands of our DNA, of a harsh and unforgiving world, of a society held together by ancient fears of war and starvation and reproductive prowess.When I realize my u201cselfu201d is nothing but a tear of an unknown god I begin to understand that anything is open to me. I can say or do or be anything because what will it matter when the final story is etched onto the collapse of the universe?Everyone I see around me is trapped in the agendas of a billion other people but I can be free of it. I can create my own agenda. And it will only be filled by the things I love. The people I love. The people I treat right. The people who treat me right.Here are the critical things I do:Health - there is no self-esteem if you are sick. If this bag of flesh is carrying me around I must make it strong.Donu2019t outsource self-esteem. Too often we give it to others. So I make sure I am only around the people who love me and who I love. And the best way to be loved is to be lovable.Creativity. I am the god of the world around me. I need to create every day. To walk up to a sad and beautiful stranger and ask if I can his or her photography.I try to take photographs of as many strangers as possible. To see the spark of soul in their eyes also.One time I walked up to one guy in the street and said I would kick his ass. He laughed and we took a picture.Another time I found a woman in an elevator and asked her to marry me. She said, u201cnou201d but I took her picture.The more you expand the comfort zone created by decades of conditioning, the bigger your life becomes. The more comfortable you are in the most obscene situations.The Alien TechniqueEvery morning when I wake up I do this: I move my fingers and my toes and say, u201cAhh, today I am a human on Earth.u201d I imagine I am an alien who, every day, is sent on a new mission. A mission to inhabit a body, do ONE good thing that day to make that bodyu2019s life better, and then leave it behind never to return.Why is this key? Why a one day mission? Because then I am not bogged down on the regrets of the past. Nor am I bogged down on consequences of the future. The results of what I do are out of my control.All I can do is live well. Live WELL. Do a good thing, Make this body better for this one day. Do something good. That is the mandate from my alien masters: get into that body and make it better that day and that day alone. The results are not your responsibility.Study.Every day I study the lives of people I admire. Sometimes they are spiritual people who nobody has heard about. Sometimes they are great artists or inventors. Sometimes they are entrepreneurs.One time I argued with Jewel. Why did she turn down a million dollar offer for her music when she was homeless. What I learned from her could fill a book.[Related: 10 Lessons I Learned From Jewel]I call it u201cthe one takeawayu201d. What one thing can I learn today from these other people.Note: not one thing that will make me u201cbetteru201d. Who knows what that means? But I try to learn one thing that makes my heart soar.If a comedian can make me laugh, u201chow did he do that?u201d If Picasso can go to a dinner and leave it with three new paintings he made on his napkins, u201cwhat made him so remarkably creative?u201d If Beethoven can compose his 9th symphony while deaf, u201cwhat inner music sprang from his heart and how did he tune it?u201dIf I have one takeaway from these people every day, then it compounds. Then in 365 days I am a little piece of Picasso, of Beethoven, of Aretha Franklin, of Bruce Lee, of JK Rowling, of Magnus Carlsen, of Buddha, inside of me and it adds up and I take care of those little pieces and see how they fit into the bigger picture of me.A footprint on the moon will last a hundred million years because there is no wind there. Is this impact? I don't know.But I know that if I take this tiny gem of a soul that has been placed deep inside of me, and I learn every day and I stay healthy and I accomplish my u201csecret alien missionu201d today then maybe my footprint will last 100,000,000 years.Confidence and esteem has nothing to do with how you react to what other think of you.Confidence and esteem isnu2019t about finding your way through the maze of life. Itu2019s when you create the maze. The maze is your unique work of art.You are a distant traveler, come along way to be here, to be with us for such a short and precious time.Complete your mission.You can find my new book u2018Reinventing Yourselfu2022 here: http://amzn.to/2iUI48H
What are the best ways of getting out of poverty?
Honestly, you cannot escape poverty. I've seen poverty and, to some extent, lived it. But I know that I will never be homeless, starving, etc. So, you could say that I have never experienced true poverty. But I will tell you this. Those whom I know who were truly poor BUILT their way out of it. They did not escape it. They did things that I would never have the guts or even the physical strength to do.I will give you one example. I teach illiterate adults basic reading and comprehension skills (at no charge). One of my earliest students was a youngish man. We were both in our thirties at the time, though he was a few years younger than I was. He came to the library (which provided materials and space for the class) in a BMW. He had a stunningly beautiful wife. He told me that he lived in a million-dollar home. Yet he was illiterate. He was intelligent, but not brilliant. And he grew up poor -- poverty beyond my experience. He was, quite literally, born on the streets. By the time he was able to walk, speak, etc. his parents had vanished. He survived, somehow -- I have no idea how -- until he was ten, just wandering the streets. Then he started to sell flowers that he had either stolen or that someone had given him.u00a0 He made very little money this way. Then someone gave him a box of vitamin bottlesu00a0 -- 100 bottles -- for free. How and why, I don't know. He sold these 100 bottles by going door to door, in ONE DAY. This was in Miami. It is hot there. And a little boy wandering around, half-naked, selling stuff door to door, is not welcome in most places. But he managed to do this for YEARS. He finally saved enough money to buy himself a house, when he was in his twenties. So, for more than TWENTY YEARS, this guy literally lived on the streets.I think I would die in my first 20 hours, on the streets. He finally married a beautiful, educated woman who had a good job. He got himself a job as a grounds-keeper. And he had been employed for 10 years or so when his wife finally convinced him to become literate. I still have a t-shirt that he gave me as a gift when we were done.So, my friend, you can build yourself a way out of poverty. It is difficult. But it can be done. Frankly, I don't know if I could do it. But I hope you do. I am not a rich guy myself. But let me know if I can help, in any way.
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